🧠 THE CHAOS REPORT — June 30, 2025

By Slick Voltage June 30, 2025 - LostNachos.com

It’s June 30th and the gaming world is melting down faster than your GPU on a summer grind. From billion-dollar buyouts to goats replacing NPCs, here’s what’s frying circuits tonight.

🎮 1. Sony Buys FromSoftware in $9 Billion Surprise Deal

In a power move nobody saw coming, Sony has officially acquired FromSoftware — the devs behind Dark Souls, Elden Ring, and Sekiro. Fans are equal parts thrilled and terrified.

Top reactions include:

• “Please don’t make Elden Ring 2 a PS6 exclusive.”

• “This is the Dark Souls of business deals.”

• “Miyazaki just turned into a final boss.”

Rumors suggest Bloodborne 2 could finally be happening, but only if you say “Try Finger, Butthole” three times into your DualSense mic.

👀 2. Goat Simulator Devs Add Literal GOATs to Skyrim via Mod Collab

Because why not, Coffee Stain Studios and Skyrim modders have released a crossover where GOATs roam Skyrim as fully-voiced NPCs with questlines.

Yes, they give side quests.Yes, they can shout “FUS RO BAA.”Yes, they judge you silently.

One goat claims to be “the Dragonborn’s therapist.” We live in peak modding era.

🧠 3. Apex Legends Leak: New Legend Is Literally Just a Guy Named Greg

Data miners uncovered files suggesting a new playable Legend named Greg, whose abilities are:

• Passive: Sarcasm Field (reduces enemy damage by 10%)

• Tactical: Office Stapler (stuns for 1.5 seconds)

• Ultimate: “Greg Quits” – drops all loot and walks away

Respawn won’t confirm, but fans are begging to make it real. #LetGregCook

🎧 4. Cyberpunk 2077 Radio Station to Feature Real-Time Player Podcasts

CD Projekt Red is rolling out a feature where select streamers and creators can live broadcast to in-game radios in Cyberpunk 2077.

This means you could be cruising Night City and suddenly hear:

“Yo it’s your boy NachoRaider, and we just ambushed Arasaka on a tricycle.”

If you thought car chases were chaotic before, try them while someone screams about burritos over synthwave.

👾 5. Call of Duty Adds 'Baby Mode' After Petition From Exhausted Dads

In a shocking twist of kindness, Call of Duty now offers a “Baby Mode” for dads who get 17 minutes of game time between diaper changes.

Features include:

• Slowed lobbies

• Auto-reload toggle

• Enemies announce themselves like stage actors: “I’m over here!”

• Soothing menu music from Cocomelon Lo-Fi Remixes

Reddit dads rejoice. Hardcore players rage. Chaos reigns.

🧨 FINAL THOUGHT: Whether you’re trying to roleplay as a goat therapist or catch your breath with Greg the Legend, one thing’s for sure — gaming in 2025 is not just next-gen… it’s next-level unhinged.

By Slick Voltage — June 30, 2025 - LostNachos.com