⚠️ THE CHAOS REPORT — JULY 2, 2025

Gamers are mad. Franchises are mutating. And your Switch might be a time bomb.

By Slick Voltage — July 2, 2025 - LostNachos.com

🎮 Elden Ring’s Shadow of the Erdtree Update Nerfs Everything

After last week's tears and rage-quits, FromSoftware pushed a patch that nerfs boss health and raises player scaling. Players are divided:

• Half are relieved they can finally get past Messmer

• The other half are screaming “get good died with 2022”

  
  

⏳ Nintendo Switch Battery Alert Goes Viral

Posts across Reddit and X warn that first-gen Switch consoles may swell or explode if stored too long with a full charge. Photos show puffed cases and cracked Joy‑Cons.Moral of the story:Don’t leave your Switch sleeping fully charged for 7 years unless you want handheld popcorn.

🕹️ Skate 4 Is Still Coming — Sort Of

EA confirms Skate 4 is now simply titled "skate. "Still in playtest. Still no release window. But there is a trailer and proof that devs are skateboarding in the office again.

Twitter’s response:

“Drop the board or drop the game.”

🪦 Ubisoft Quietly Kills Off Older Assassin’s Creed Multiplayer

Older AC servers are being decommissioned next month. Games affected include Brotherhood, Revelations, AC3, and Black Flag.Players who still use the PVP modes (yes, they exist) are forming “final lobby” Discords to go down with the ship.

💰 Fortnite Collab Rumors: Fast & Furious Drift Incoming?

Epic teased a flaming tire + palm tree image on their socials.Leakers say Dominic Toretto + Tokyo Drift gear might be next. Imagine Vin Diesel doing the floss.Or don’t. You’ll sleep better.

🎤 SLICK’S TAKE

The world’s on fire and we’re skateboarding through it while our Switches bubble in a drawer. Elden Ring tried to cool the burn, Ubisoft’s unplugging the past, and Fortnite’s about to put Vin Diesel in a banana costume. It’s the gaming future we deserve.

By Slick Voltage — July 2, 2025 - LostNachos.com

“Raw, Reckless, and Real.”