🎥 NACHODOME SHOWDOWN: John Wick vs. Predator — Bullet Ballet Meets Alien Brutality

Jun 28
2 min read

By Slick Voltage — June 28, 2025 - LostNachos.com

The arena’s fogged. The lights flicker. One side holds the galaxy’s most efficient alien hunter. The other? A human with nothing left to lose and 214 confirmed kills (and counting). Welcome to the NachoDome, where the only rule is raw, reckless, and real.

🎯 Fighter 1: John Wick

Nickname: The Baba Yaga Loadout:

Custom TTI Pit Viper, tactical belt of mayhem, pain tolerance of a cement truck

Special Moves:

Quad Tap Combo: Shoots, reloads, and headshots in under 1.2 seconds
Gun-Fu Grapple: Martial arts and firearms become one
The Dog’s Revenge: Temporary rage mode triggered if a canine gets mentioned

Nacho Statline:

Stealth: 7/10
Accuracy: 10/10
Will to Live: “No.”
Style Points: Infinite

👽 Fighter 2: Predator

Nickname: Yautja Alpha

Loadout: Cloaking device, shoulder plasma cannon, wrist blades, human skull collection

Special Moves:

Thermal Lockdown: Can track Wick through fog, walls, and Twitter DMs
Trophy Slash: Executes a cinematic finisher and monologues in clicks
Self-Destruct Laugh: Goes nuclear when losing — classic.

Nacho Statline:

Stealth: 10/10
Raw Strength: 9/10
Tech Edge: 9/10
Human Empathy: -5

🥊 The Matchup:

It starts in silence — jungle overgrowth on one side of the dome, glass-paned Continental Hotel lobby on the other. Wick walks calmly, suit crisp. Predator de-cloaks above with a snarl.

Round One: Wick dodges thermal cannon fire with somersaults and counter-shoots three grenades out of mid-air. Predator heals himself mid-fight with alien salve, then suplexes a tree.
Round Two: Wick throws a book. It knocks the shoulder cannon loose. Predator leaps — Wick dodges and knife-parries a wrist blade in slow motion. Crowd loses its mind.
Round Three: Predator activates cloak, but Wick counters with a flare and pencil kill. Both fighters go down… but Predator starts laughing. Beeping. Uh oh.
Finale: Wick finds the self-destruct timer. Shoots it. Dead center. The device fizzles. Baba Yaga stands. Covered in blood. Breathing like a freight train.