🥊 FIGHT NIGHT AT THE NACHODOME: DUKE NUKEM VS. WALUIGI MELTDOWN MATCH

By Slick Voltage | LostNachos.com | June 24, 2025

💥 Welcome to the NachoDome, baby. Where legends fall, egos explode, and only one man walks away with the belt—and maybe a broken rib or two.

In the most unhinged showdown LostNachos.com has ever witnessed, two titans of ridiculousness entered the ring: Duke Nukem, the musclebound, one-liner-slinging king of alien-blasting badassery… and Waluigi, the long-limbed agent of chaos who lives in the shadow of a shadow.

No rules. No mercy. Just pure nacho-fueled violence.

🧨 ROUND ONE: FLEX vs. FLOP

Duke entered the arena shirtless, greased up, and carrying a gold-plated boomstick. He dropkicked a vending machine on the way to the ring just for fun.

Waluigi moonwalked in wearing purple spandex, swinging a tennis racket like a nunchuck, and screaming “WAAAH!” at full volume.

The opening bell rang—and Duke immediately punched the ground, triggering a shockwave that cracked the floor. Waluigi cartwheeled over the blast, screamed something about "foul play," and sprayed mustard into Duke’s eyes from a hidden condiment launcher.

Score: Waluigi 1, Dignity 0.

🔪 ROUND TWO: CHEESE GRATER SLAM

Duke regained control after suplexing Waluigi through a nacho cheese fountain.

But Waluigi, slippery as ever, summoned a swarm of angry Goombas from under the ring and rode one like a skateboard across Duke’s face. He attempted a spinning leg drop, missed entirely, and accidentally powerbombed himself through a table labeled “For Emergencies Only.”

The audience, half of whom were wearing Waluigi cosplay and the other half holding signs that read “Hail to the King, Baby,” began chanting “FATALITY!” despite this not being Mortal Kombat.

⚡ FINAL ROUND: BULLET TIME MELTDOWN

With both fighters on their last legs—Waluigi winded from spinning too much and Duke flexing so hard he tore a bicep—the ref was about to call it.

But then Duke yelled “TIME TO KICK ASS AND CHEW BUBBLEGUM,” popped an entire stick of dynamite in his mouth, and dropkicked Waluigi into a wall of vintage CRT TVs.

As sparks flew and 16-bit chaos exploded in the background, Waluigi stood up, flipped Duke off… and faceplanted into a pile of nachos.

🏆 WINNER: DUKE NUKEM

Barely. And only because Waluigi tried to bribe the ref with a coupon for WarioWare Deluxe.

🚑 AFTERMATH:

Waluigi is reportedly recovering in a dimension made entirely of purple fog and bad vibes.

Duke Nukem has been offered a guest role in a new LostNachos.com Rust wipe event, where he’ll presumably shout at loot crates and uppercut bears.

Rating: 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

Recklessness: OFF THE CHARTS

Nacho Spillage: Catastrophic

Moral of the Story: Never underestimate a man in purple—or a man with explosives.

✍️ Written by Slick Voltage

Co-Founder, Chaos Conductor, NachoDome Fight Promoter LostNachos.com ⚡🧀